A Life not Spent with You

BY : Rin-chan
Category: DarkFic > Slash - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 4286
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental - this is a work of fiction.

 

 TRIGGER WARNING: Story goes into detail about sexual assault, be advised some content can be unsettling. It was unsettling to write, but I also found writing to be cathartic. 

                                                                                                                                                *

 Dimly, Ivan was aware of the constant noise in the hospital. The soft whirring of machines, life-support systems. Clocks on the wall ticking, phones ringing, people coughing, sneezing. The unending barrage of sound, even through their closed door was loud. Slowly, he opened his eyes, feeling the tautness from his earlier crying. The first thing he looked to was his lover; seeing the horrible bruises, the split lip, made Ivan clench his jaw in hopes to keep from crying again. The younger man was resting still, hopefully in a dreamless state where he could escape reality for a while. Throat burning with the strong need to weep again, Ivan eased forward, ever so gently rested his forearms on the hospital bed. I just want to cry and cry...It didn't even happen to me...Oh god, his face...



The resting man jerked suddenly, his face wincing as he slept. His eyes flickered under his closed, purplish lids, his bruised, cut mouth parting in a small cry. Sitting up immediately, careful not to jar the younger, Ivan barely had time to remember not to touch the other suddenly. "Dami, Damien, honey, its okay," Voice soft, the older man clenched his own wrist, leaned closer, "Sweets, its just a dream, I'm here-" The younger's face started to relax, his brow smoothing.

At that moment, the door opened suddenly, and a man in a white lab coat briskly walked in, eyes fixed on the chart in his hands. Damien jerked awake, his slight body shaking violently as he choked out a surprised noise. Inwardly swearing at the newcomer's carelessness, Ivan hoped touch would help calm his lover and gently sought one of the younger's hands, let the other hand tentatively stroke his back. "Shh, its okay, its okay, Damien, its the doctor, I think. You're alright," As he whispered, he swept his thumb lightly over the back of his hand. Again, all his lover could do was stammer, voice thick with tears. Unable to hide his glare as he looked to the supposed doctor, Ivan felt happiness swell in his chest at being allowed to touch his beloved.



"-about barging in, we're having a very busy night here. I see you are," The man paused, glanced at the two of them, a slight twinge of dislike at their closeness, was breaking through the bored expression, "Ah, I'm in the wrong exam room, my apologies, Dr. Meramec will be with you shortly." And as quickly as he appeared, the doctor left.



At least he shut the door after him, what an idiot! Irritated, Ivan fought off the urge to swear loudly and loosened his hold on his lover. Nervous, he withdrew altogether. This is the first he's seen me...Oh god, what if he doesn't want me here? Biting his lip, Ivan simply watched as his beloved tried to slow his breathing, arms wrapped tightly around himself. 



The fear of being badly surprised had been hard to fight off, vaguely he had been aware of being touched. Everything seemed so surreal, part of him wasn't entirely sure if he was still awake or if his mind was still floating distantly. Every loud noise seemed to attack his senses, and filled his body with constant tension. Damien blinked, took a deep breath, and looked around. His blue gaze rested on his lover, sitting next to his bed, arms tightly locked around his torso. The older man's face was lowered, his shaggy blond bangs covered his eyes. No doubt filled with disgust... Jumping slightly, registering it was Ivan who was touching him, Damien leaned sharply away from the man.



 For a few moments after the younger shifted dangerously to the opposite edge of the bed, away from him, Ivan felt everything in him, his heart, his resolve splinter. Bowing his head, he struggled not to collapse into tears, and barely managed. He's scared of me...Oh god he thinks I'll hurt him! I can't bear this imagine how it must be for him...  Cheeks flaming a humiliated red at being rejected, Ivan cleared his throat gently. "I'm sorry, luv, I-I didn't mean to- I can go if you want?"



The thought of being alone was daunting, but the thought of Ivan not wanting to be here brought to life a million insecurities he'd never felt. A myriad of emotions ran through him, violated him, left him raw and in tears again. Breath hitching in a sob, Damien wiped at his eyes, not risking a glance at the older man for seeing him would surely leave him a weeping mess. "D-do you want t-to go?" He barely paused - if he ended his words there, the answer might be a yes. "I don't b-blame you if you do, I-I'm so disgusting, dirty, oh god how can you stand it! I-I'm so sor-sorry, Ivy! Please don't leave me, I let him do this to me and how can you want me anymore?"



Sobs took over the younger's voice, and he doubled over as he cried. Ivan surged forwards, half stood and lightly placed a hand on his lover's shoulder, shook him gently. "Oh Dami, sweetheart, I'm not going to leave you, I was, I thought you were scared of me, I didn't want to scare you..." The older blond grit his teeth, the last half hour since he'd arrived at the hospital, he'd barely contained himself of touching his lover, offering comfort. Damien hid his face with his shaking hands, apologizing and lapsing into heavy cries. Feeling tears slip past his control, Ivan smoothed his trembling shoulder, "Darling, this is not your fault, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm here for you, I'm not going anywhere, Damien." As he whispered vehemently, the younger unwrapped himself and clung to him; welcoming him in, Ivan held him loosely as he carefully sat himself on the hospital bed's edge. Voicing shaking with emotion, Ivan repeated his last sentence softly, pressed gentle kisses to the crown of his head.



 The feel of his lover's arms around him soothed his soul like a balm. Breath hitching as he cried, Damien tried to press closer as if to hide from the world and reality. Eyes squeezing shut, the younger simply held on, unable to speak. Hours ago he'd prayed and begged to be able to see Ivan again, to just live and be held - to have his wish fulfilled made his head spin with the force of his crying. Please don't let me die here, oh god please make it stop I'll do anything Ivan help let me see him one more time I don't want to die... The words he'd prayed ran through his mind, memories of his attack made him shudder uncontrollably. A hand swept along one arm, the other down his back. There was a knock at the door suddenly, sent fear spiking throughout his already tense body. 



The younger jerked in his arms at the door opening again, Ivan noted how extreme his reaction was to this relatively quiet entrance compared to the last interruption. This doctor, also dressed in a white coat, stepped in and shut the door behind him. In one hand was a large manila envelope.



"I hope the knocking didn't startle you too much, I'm Dr. Meramec. First off, I'm very sorry about your reason for being here, ah, Mr. Syerson. I apologize about the wait, we've had a very busy night so far." The doctor looked up from his chart, noticing their embrace. Ivan saw the man's eyes remain unchanged, "You must be, Ivan, I assume? Damien here mentioned an Ivan when he was brought in." Nodding, the blond smoothed a hand through his lover's hair once more before trying to withdraw. The younger protested by trying to remain in his arms, his sobs dying rapidly at the new doctor's presence.



"I'm sorry but its best if you refrain from being that close, Damien, I see that you've requested a rape kit to be done. There is evidence on your clothes, possibly in your hair, that may be contaminated from being touched by others. Evidence is valuable if you want to press charges, as is time. If you two have any questions before we get started, now is the time to ask them."



Trembling as he withdrew from Ivan's hold, Damien hugged himself, not registering the pain in his shoulders of that movement. A dark blush of shame settled over his face at hearing the doctor's admonishments. Going to mess everything up now, god I'm stupid...Is he angry? A vicious cycle of thoughts ran through his mind, a sharp fear of what anger could lead to. His body ached, he could feel his shoulder start to ache, a wound there throbbing at each heartbeat. Sitting became painful, it was as if he had blocked it all out. Fresh tears welled in his eyes as he lowered his head, long black locks hiding his face. "C-can I hold Ivan's hand? Is that going to ruin any evidence?" After getting permission, their hands sought for one another immediately. Feeling slightly braver, he asked what exactly would happen during the rape kit. 



Although the doctor's explanation was simple and thorough, beyond hearing the first couple sentences, Damien felt himself tune the rest out. The fear of being so exposed, of having to strip and have hairs plucked made him feel incredibly nauseous.



As the doctor talked, Ivan felt the younger's grip slowly loosen. Concerned, he leaned forward, hoping to catch his boyfriend's gaze. Those teary blue depths barely registered him, made his heart break a little at the overwhelmed hopelessness he saw. Stroking his thumb along Damien's hand, he made some semblance of a smile, shaking his blond bangs from his eyes. 

"Hey, it'll be okay, Dami, doing this will make it easier for them to catch this guy. I'll be-" He broke off, looking to the doctor worriedly. "Can I be here during the exam? Is it alright to hold his hand and talk to him?" The man nodded, smiling slightly as he glanced up from his chart.



"There'll be some points where I'll be scrapping his fingernails for trace or doing other things, but for most of the examination that'll be fine. Your support will make a great difference. I'll go over step by step what I'm doing, so you know what will happen. Remember, you can stop this at any time, Damien, and resume when you're ready."



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 The next hour and a half was devastating, Damien tried to comply at times and just couldn't. His tears seemed endless, and to be crying and sobbing in front of a stranger was mortifying. Right from the start of the examination was a huge obstacle, removing his clothing, of standing naked on a sheet of paper. Even as his boyfriend told him over and over again everything was fine, Damien merely hung his head and tried hard not to cry too loud. He started to raise his hands to hide his face, but again, received another reproaching comment from the doctor. The combing of his hair was difficult; some memories of having his long hair being pulled harshly, combined with having the doctor standing directly behind him, chipped at his control.

 

 Eyes damp with unshed tears, Ivan kept their fingers twined gently as he stood about an arm's length away. "It's going to be alright, darling, I'm right here with you. I won't leave you, just breathe slowly and keep concentrating on my voice." After Dr. Meramec combed and plucked hairs for comparison, he softly announced what came next. Understandably, Damien grew very agitated, shook his head over and over as his crying increased. The first swabs were for his mouth, the second was a lot more intrusive. Seeing his lover try to hold back the increasing force of his sobs was heart wrenching, Ivan knew he'd never forget seeing his terror. The grip on his hand tightened almost painfully as the younger laid himself down on the cool metal table.



Since his hair was finished being examined, Ivan got permission and tenderly brushed his fingers through the long locks, glad to see the younger was present enough to look up at him. Certain smiling would make his tears spill, the blond did so anyways, his other hand still holding locking fingers with his beloved. Quietly, he whispered how brave he was, tried to distract him.



It worked for a minute, but when the doctor started to swab his genitals, Damien bit the inside of his cheek and looked up at the ceiling. The exam table he lay on was cold, leeching what warmth Ivan's presence brought. Memories swarmed in his mind, made him dizzy.

"-have to take deep breaths, Dami, nice and slow! That's it, you're doing great, luv." He tried to keep calm, but when the doctor told him what he was about to do, he felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. Panic ate at his vision, memories and taunting filled his head. The doctor asked him to spread his legs further, and relax.  Vaguely he felt pressure on his hand but was unable to discern what was causing it. Hands were suddenly touching his buttocks, spreading them. 



 Damien writhed on the table, his gaze blank, "P-please please oh god, don't do this!" His lover repeated this like a mantra, only stopped when the doctor started to swab and collect evidence. The shrill scream made Ivan's resolve chip even more, but he refused to break down, and squeezed his lover's hand, "Dami, its okay, I'm here! We're at the hospital, y-you and me. You're safe, just hold onto my hand, I'm not going to leave you, baby." Feeling slightly numb, almost as if he was on autopilot, Ivan tried to emerge from his haze. As his lover's pleas started again, the blond felt his awareness start to slide. For certain though, he'd always remember the younger's crying and pleads.



                                                                                                                                                *



 Some time after the doctor extracted a couple vials of blood, Damien realized he'd been aware of what had been going on, but just not fully registering the purpose of everything. Wiping at his eyes, Damien noted one of his hands was in use. Another thing he noticed was that at some point he was allowed to redress in a cloth hospital gown. Sniffling, he looked to his boyfriend, gaze dropping for a second in shame before hesitantly looking back. What must he think of me...? Green eyes met his gaze, and crinkled just a little in a faint smile, their warm depths comforting. He can still smile at me... Breath hitching as he tried to calm down again, Damien felt his thoughts shift from chaotic flashes of memory and focused on how the older man must be feeling. Feeling self conscious at being so absorbed in his own misery, he worked up a tiny smile, squeezed his hand briefly around the other's. 

"Thanks for being here, I don't, I couldn't do it without you..." The blond man's face lit up briefly, a smile flashing.



"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, you did great, I'm so proud of you." Hesitantly, Ivan raised the younger's hand to his mouth and placed a kiss there, pleased at the returning smile. Feeling exhausted, the blond rallied his strength and licked his lips nervously. "The doctor said he'd be right back, and that its okay to hug you now. C-can I-" Without hearing the rest of the question, the dark haired man leaned forward, eagerly curled into his arms. Swaying just a little, Ivan let his eyes fall shut as he held his dearest. Waves of possible scenarios crashed through his mind, each one made him want to tighten him arms like a cage. His eyes were tired from crying but just a few more teardrops formed on his lashes as he brushed through Damien's hair. Oh gods, he could have killed you...Blinded you...Slashed throat, stabbed in the heart...You could have died... Minutes passed in silence, Ivan was only happy to be able to offer comfort.



There was soon another knock at the door, this time the younger barely started. Looking to the door, Ivan saw the doctor come in, this time followed by a police officer. The uniformed man remained just outside the door. Upon seeing the stranger, Damien sat up, parted their hands and set shaking fists on his knees. The prospect of sitting apart seemed too daunting, and Ivan allowed his hand to be hastily taken again. Dr. Meramec, whom Ivan took as a very understanding and empathetic man, cleared his throat gently, reassuring that there was nothing to worry about. As he began to explain the reason the police were here, Ivan realized just how courageous Damien had been. He managed to call 911 afterwards, talk to the police, figure out he wanted this kit done... The idea of doing any of these things alone after being traumatized so horribly made his lack of involvement in helping, glaringly obvious. Shame heated his face as he listened, patted his boyfriend's hand.



Nodding, thanking the doctor as the man proceeded to leave, Damien shook a few errant strands of hair from his face and swallowed the lump growing in his throat. To be in the presence of someone that commanded such respect made him scared. Someone with such force- Blocking the ensuing thoughts as best as he could, he tried to find his voice to ask a few questions. 

"Do I have to, report now? Make a statement now? I-I'm really tired, I'm sorry." Trembling again, feeling stupid for changing his mind, he took in a deep breath, tried to relax. The officer did admit it could be done at a later time, but the best course of action was to do it while the memory and events were fresh. Flushing with guilt, Damien felt a shudder of fear run down his spine. Just run away and pretend it never happened! Come on, it will help catch this fucker and throw him in jail! Both sides battled fiercely in his mind, the loss of control nearly made his grip on his anxiety loosen dangerously. Details and the chain of events were scrambled, frantically he tried to organize them and realized why he couldn't.



Ivan waited silently, fully supporting whatever the other wanted. As the seconds ticked by, he offered comfort, stroking his thumb along his lover's hand as the younger weighed the options. With great difficulty, Ivan tried to keep the rejection from his face when he was asked to leave. An overwhelming feeling of isolation almost swept his hard won control away. Questioning his boyfriend's decision was tempting, but he curbed this desire, certain Damien needed all the control he could get. Blinking away the surprise, he bit his lip,

"I can do that, I'll be just down the hallway, luv. Can you please come get me when you're done?" After receiving the officer's positive reply, Ivan stood, started to lean forward to press a kiss to the younger's forehead and thought better of it. As he made for the door, he missed the pained expression on Damien's face.



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 The constricting feeling as he held back the strong emotions had him gasping for breath after he closed the door and walked a few meters away. Bringing his shaking hands to his cup around his nose and mouth, Ivan tried to get a hold of himself and failed miserably. Tears started to course down his cheeks against his will, the flashes of how terrified his lover was made it worse. A person to his left coughed quietly, made him half-heatedly view his surroundings. He was in a hallway, which was empty save for the few chairs seated in a row, the small tables laden with magazines. Other doors were closed, made him wonder if other couples were going through what he and Damien were. The person who stole his attention was the doctor who had performed the examination, his face calm and open. At being offered a box of tissues, Ivan inwardly winced and grudgingly accepted the box.



"There's a sitting lounge just a couple doors this way, why don't you join me for a hot beverage?"



Glad for the invitation and company, he followed the man and minutes later breathed in the enchanting faint aroma of tea. The doctor opted for coffee, probably still working through a hellish long shift. Not sure what to say, Ivan merely sat in an odd, comfortable silence. Setting his mug down on the table before him, Ivan considered somehow sneaking a tissue out and wiping his eyes surreptitiously. After thinking this through, he shrugged mentally and simply carried out the action; the compassionate way the doctor treated his lover, and their obvious relationship, alleviated any awkwardness.



"I never caught your last name...?" The man trailed off, tone implying he didn't have to answer. Sweeping his bangs from his eyes in a tired gesture, Ivan cleared his throat. 

"Marsters, I'm Ivan Marsters. I, uh, wanted to thank you for how you went about helping Damien. Its really, appreciated." The simple matter of stringing sentences together was hard, concentrating when his mood was uncharacteristically all over the place. He doesn't need me...What if he blames me for not being there? I should've turned down the extra shift can I go back and change my choice oh I'd do everything differently I swear...



"You're very welcome, aside from my normal doctor duties, I also help with the sexual assault response team. After a few years, you get an idea how to go about aiding trauma survivors. Have you ever dealt with anything like this before? If not, I must say you are doing a great job in supporting your partner." Looking up at this, Ivan inwardly scoffed at the notion of being a rock in someone's storm when his own mind was adrift and sinking. The way the doctor's dark eyes shined minutely, he was certain the man could read his thoughts.



"I'm serious, you were very supportive, attentive without being overbearing. You were ready to offer comfort and reassurance and didn't force it on him. You listened to what he had to say and didn't press for explanations. For someone who's never dealt with this, you're doing amazingly well. From what I gather, he asked you to leave the room, is that right?" Nodding wordlessly, a swell of self blame and guilt knocked down his resolve and tears blurred his vision; imagining how minuscule his own hurt feelings must have compared to Damien's made his new-found self-hatred grow.



"I can't, say its a guarantee, but over the years, I've noticed that more often than not, trauma survivors request to speak to the police alone. And about ninety percent of the time, is its because their love for their partners is so strong. It makes sense, if you think about it logically. When reporting a rape or sexual assault, details and events have to be heavily described, if possible. To know your partner has been cruelly attacked is bad enough, but to know exactly what happened, a lot of survivors don't want their mates to feel that pain as well. Unfortunately, due to the nature of this crime, there is vast amount of shame, guilt, self-blaming that makes the survivor even more reluctant for their partners to know what they've done. Or 'allowed' someone to do, is their thinking. What it all comes down to is that Damien did everything right, in order to survive."



Hearing this through his crying, Ivan gathered a few more tissues and continued to listen as the doctor suggested a few pamphlets from the display stand, offered a card with recommended counselors and therapists. Dr. Meramec gave a few brief explanations of post traumatic stress disorders, triggers, flashbacks, and other problems they may encounter.



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 Trying to keep in whimpers of pain as his bruised ribs protested to his hitching breaths, Damien miserably wiped at his eyes and kept his gaze on the floor. Having to go over everything was so painful, humiliation as he described the events nearly choking him. With great difficulty, he plowed on, focusing on getting each detail as accurate as possible, the saving grace of this whole retelling was that Ivan was not here. Just thinking of him knowing what I did...I could have screamed or did anything something to stop it he'd stare at me in disgust I'm disgusted with myself oh god- His vision went blurry for a few seconds, an odd sensation of the floor swimming before him made him study on breathing. 



"Alright, that's all I need right now, we've got a lot of information copied down so I think until we finish processing your apartment, we won't need to see you again. Can I just confirm that this number you left is a mobile number? Excellent, we'll be in touch. Since you have no more questions, would you like me to get the doctor again? Okay, you did a great job, again, I'm sorry this happened to you."



As the officer left, Damien re-adjusted himself on the hospital bed, let his feet dangle above the ground. Hands on his knees, he tried to make his body as small as possible. Disorientation grew stronger as thoughts of his attack refused to be banished. I'm in the hospital, everything is going to be okay! I'm safe here! Staring into his lap, the muted green of the hospital gown he wore grew blurry again. Irritated at his endless crying, he let out a groan of frustration. A maddening sense of dirtiness clung to his skin, an invisible layer of filth covering his whole body. Never being one to be uncomfortable in his own body, the dark haired man gave up on holding back, let his emotions wreak havoc.                                                        

                                                                                             *



 Leaving his mug of tea behind, Ivan followed the doctor back to the exam room, heartened by the man's advice and compliments. Certain they'd get through this long night together, he tucked his bangs over one ear and stopped suddenly. Dr. Meramec had halted just outside the door without knocking; curiously, Ivan shuffled a step closer and paused. Faint sounds of weeping came from behind the closed door; hearing his lover try to muffle his sorrow was painful.



"There isn't much else to say, besides good luck and feel free to make an appointment if there's any other problems regarding his injuries. I'll leave you to it then?" Grateful, Ivan shook his hand and inched closer to the door, nervously raising a hand to knock. I hope he lets me in... Unsure, he tapped quietly, hearing the younger gasp. "D-Dami? Its me, is it alright if I come in?" A few seconds he heard nothing, then his lover's crying resumed, stronger it seemed. Silently begging, he waited then slowly opened the door at the wavering soft yes. 



Still sitting on the edge of the bed, Damien remained hunched, his long black locks falling around his face like a curtain. Closing the door behind him, the blond remained where he was, "Dr. Meramec says its alright to leave now, I brought you a change of clothes. Because, ah, the apartment is being investigated right now, maybe you want to check into a hotel somewhere?" The younger looked up briefly, eyes red with tears and gestured him to come closer. Ivan crossed the room and returned the embrace he was given." Whichever one you want, maybe one with hot tubs in the bathroom?" Smoothing his hands along the younger's back, he kept his hold gentle, let their closeness ease his gnawing self-doubt. Closing his tired green eyes, Ivan pressed a light kiss to the top of his boyfriend's head.



"The police officer mentioned how brave you were...I love you, Dami." A huge weight lifted from his shoulders, the sudden absence of it left him emotionally staggering. They were a team again, perhaps they always were, but hearing those three little words cleared a few poisoning doubts.Trying to stifle his sobs, Damien pulled away, intent to kiss his boyfriend, an automatic reaction. Faltering, remembering he was still covered in dried fluids, aching and torn, he settled with pressing a hesitant kiss to Ivan's cheek. Hands gently cupped the sides of his face, thumbs tenderly wiped his tears away. The sweet gestures made him smile,

"I l-love you too, Ivy, thank you for everything." Cold in his flimsy gown, his voice was sharp on the last word. Got to get clean... "I want to get dressed and get out of here..." Moving his face to the side, Damien felt one of Ivan's hands start to brush his cheek again. How can he touch me like this? He thought bitterly, certain he'd never feel clean again.



Biting his cheek a little, Ivan kept his touch gentle, careful of the band aid covering the side of Damien's face. "It's okay, dear heart." Speaking more for the ashamed expression on the younger's features, Ivan moved away, bent down to snatch a backpack from the floor near the only chair in the room. Offering it hesitantly, he made a slight, unsure smile. "I brought it when I came here, its got some clothes in it, I thought you'd like a fresh change..." His lover unzipped the bag, winced for some reason, then looked in.



"My 'having a bad day' shirt..." A feeling of surreality washed over him, Damien remembered earlier this morning when he was getting ready for work. Rifling through the closet, trying to pick which shirt to wear... How different things had turned out, this was so unexpected, who would ever want such a difficult situation? Considering this made him want to cry again, but he reined in the desire as best as he could. "Well, it suits my mood right now," Smirking slightly, he noted the faint surprise in the older man's eyes. Pleased he still had some semblance of his normal joking manner, Damien gingerly set his feet on the floor and stood. The pain all over his body seemed to thrum all the once, made him dizzy. Steadying himself with a hand on the bed, he tried to clear his throat and winced at the attempt. Remembering why his throat was sore, the memory of being shoved to his knees made him nauseous. 



"Can you, can you turn around please?"



Expecting the question, Ivan nodded once, offered a reassuring smile and did as asked. Only when his face was turned, did he let the muted anger wash over his face. During the examination he'd seen all the scrapes, the deep purple bruises, rug burns on his knees, a couple hateful bite mark wounds. At the time, he'd noticed all the injuries and hadn't really acknowledge them as his main concern was offering comfort to his boyfriend. Now, remembering what he'd seen, Ivan counted to ten, tried to keep his growing rage under control. I'll fucking murder the son of a bitch that did this...  That someone had done this to his loved one, and was still out there was hard to take, but not more important than supporting the younger. The soft rustling and pained gasps stopped, a muffled sob broke the sudden silence. 



Turning just a little, Ivan saw the younger standing, dressed, but with his hands covering his face again. The backpack was on the bed now, still open. Damien really started to cry; alarm, the older man spun around and took the few steps to his side, not touching him. Hand hovering just inches from the younger's shoulders, he looked to see any signs if it was physical pain or emotional.

"Dami, what is it? Does something hurt?" Long black hair streaked in the air briefly as the younger shook his head sharply.

"The bag, I can't zip it up! Its so stupid! When I opened it, it made me think of being in that r-room again. He-I-" Realizing what he meant, Ivan grit his teeth at imagining how frightening it must have been. "Its a fucking sound, and I'm s-so scared, please tell me this will go aw-away, Ivy."



The older quietly asked before wrapped arms around his shaking body. The gentle embrace was so familiar, he and Ivan fit like puzzle pieces; Damien held onto him, rested his head over the older's broad shoulder. Hands smoothed along his back, made him tremble despite the tenderness. His body felt strangely hot, a terrifying thought that maybe his attacker infected him with something. Ivan started to reassure him, voice soft, kissing the top of his head at times. Vision blurry with tears, Dami listened to what he so desperately needed to hear, and tried to stop crying. 



"Its alright, luv, cry as much as you want."



So he did.

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